in the Loop

there IS a purpose of life. it is really up to you to decide on it. to choose to believe in it. sometimes, dear, we don't do things or be someone JUST for the sake of making a difference, we do it because it's part of life, part of what we want to do and enjoy doing it. And by the end of the day, you will be surprised that you have actually made a difference afterall in someone's life without even intending or realizing it. Even if all the trying doesn't cause any impact, everything that you have worked on so hard now and before are the things that add flavour in your own life and shape the person you are today.

if you leave it all to fate, then what is the purpose of life? you have to work towards it, to get it. there is no free lunch in this world afterall.

there is a reason underneath every action you are doing. you know why you have been working so hard all these while. we couldn't expect everything will turn out to be what as expected. if it does, it's not life which is full with ups and downs.

CHOW YEE HUI!!!

you will never be that kinda person..

the kind that leaves it to fate...

so... stop thinking so.. stand up.. and live...

fight for what you want.. fight good and hard... and be proud of yourself that you did something...

take care.. gonna go back to Kedah dee.. lol..

well, if you think that doing things for the benefit of yourself really is meaningless...

maybe you can try doing something so that it'll benefit others. Make a difference in another person's life. Maybe it's more worth it and more meaningful in that way?

Show a little act of kindness for the sake of doing it and not expecting anything in return.

Sounds so 'holistic' eh? but if all fails, what have you got to lose?

jinann - thanks for telling it as it is. I guess I just needed someone to say that sometimes, some things just need to be done. period. but that doesn't mean it has no part at all.

hanz - thanks for the encouragement. actually i do know that this is all part and parcel in life but I guess we all tend to lose our drive sometimes.

fookiat - wow, that first line really got me. I guess all these years of friendship do mean you know me inside and up. Thanks for pointing out that it is so uncharacteristic of me and getting me all riled up!

Gabriel - of all the comments, yours is the most uninspiring :P lol... it's the truth. i can't lie. but thanks for trying anyway!

This could a be a little long and winding

I'm starting to realise how the crazy all(life/time)-consuming thesis can mean different things to different people. You're not the only one, some of my friends do wonder what the hell am I struggling with something I don't even believe or interested in just to get good grades to a degree which might or might not possibly relate to my future career?

I guess I'm sorta different in that sense. I didn't hate my thesis, I treated as a big challenge and a culmination of my education and work of 3 years in uni. I sorta know that I plan to continue studying in this field, and that coming up with a good thesis on this helps.

So maybe you're starting to think why the hell do you spend so much effort on this? Does it really matter that maybe you'll get a B instead of an A for this? And if that happens, does that doom your entire future career/life? You know the answers as well as me.

I think you're still in a wondering/wandering phase, and it's ok and understandable. We grew up in time where things like job security and food on the table aren't the only things we care about. We want to know where we're heading, why are we heading there, and what should we do if we want to head there? And why do we waste our time with other things which doesn't help us in that direction?

Only you can seek out these answers for yourself in time. And while you're not sure where you're heading to, it doesn't mean that you can't help facilitate things on the way to get wherever "that" is. Good grades will help to open more doors, regardless of which doors you choose to open someday.

And if all else fails, I have faith that your perfectionist nature will triumph over your nonchalant one and you'll get your ass on it, possibly at the last minute.