in the Loop

I'm feeling really fatigued today. Not sure if it's a combination of melancholic songs and book reading under the rain pelted windows or just physically tired.

All I feel like doing for the next couple of days is to just enjoy my own company at home, and that of my books. Though I have a nagging feeling that come the time, I would inevitably be itching for the company of others.

I wish I wasn't always so conflicted. Can't even do something to please myself for once.

I forgot to discuss - with no one in particular - my good fortune the other day.

As I was leaving one interview for another, I realised I didn't have the change to pay for parking. This was after all in a hotel located adjacent to a mall which I will not divulge.

It was rather unfortunate being only a ringgit short. Those stupid self-pay machines obviously do not take RM50 notes. Thus begin my quest for change.

First, I asked this auntie who was paying next to me but she didn't have any. Then I tried going to my car to dig for counts but as luck would have it, I was completely out.

Noticing this girl reading in the car parked next to mine, I decided to chance it.

Fearing I would startle her if I tapped on her window, I resorted to waving like a fool on the other side until my jester like antics caught her attention.

"I'm sorry but I need change to pay for parking. Can you break a fifty?"

"Sorry, I don't have that much," she replied. As she was turning away, she froze for a split second, turned back around and asked.

"How much do you need?"

"I'm only short a dollar," I replied sheepishly.

A few moments later, with a smile and dollar in hand, I was rewarded.

I attempted to pay my debt the only way I could; thanking her profusely.

I've had 4 interviews in the last 7 days. Which works out to almost one per working day.

I'm tired. Both emotionally and physically. Every interview is a roller-coaster ride. First comes the anxiety, which translates into hours of preparation. Then comes that actual nerve wrecking interview. As if the interview itself isn't torturous enough, I need to do a playback in my head after all is said and done, occasionally slapping myself for that foot-in-mouth moment. Finally, it's time for the waiting game, which is rather self-explanatory.

Even though I should be thankful I'm actually getting calls, I don't know how long I can go on at this rate.

I'm not sure if it's generally the case or just my unfortunate experience, it sure seems like the hiring process is one long slowly drawn out bad dream.

On Sat, I did something somewhat uncharacteristic of me. I woke up at 6am to go hiking.



Admittedly, I had very naive ideas about hiking. My last hiking experience involves walking on a tar road and mentally planning what to have for dim sum after.



This time around, there were no tar roads. There were however, 2 rivers to wade through and 3 streams to hop over. Not forgetting the fallen bamboos and trees to climb over and under.



When they told me the hike takes 3.5 to 4 hours, I presumed it was both ways. I was evidently mistaken considering we started at 9am and only returned after 6pm. Either we spent all that time hiking or got sucked into a time warp. I only wish it was the latter.


Even if I were to ignore the hours spent in the jungle (I'm not kidding here), my body - especially my legs - definitely sent me a very very clear message. The 'message' became very intense towards the peak where I finally decided to live and fight another day. Even though I did want to go on, my body just would not let me. Definitely a case where the body couldn't keep up with the spirit.


Now that I've made my way down the wretched mountain, I find it easier to appreciate the experience more. For one, there was cellphone reception (though spotty) on said mountain. And plenty of mosquito repellent to go around. Also, for the first time of my life, I stripped down to my black boxer briefs and just dipped myself in the waterfall. All inhibitions stripped from me, together with my energy after 9 hours of a grueling hike.

I arrived home about 10pm and went to bed 30 minutes later. Had the best 13 hour sleep of my life.

The faux lesbian is so tacky and offensive that the real ones want nothing to with her.

I'm not unwilling to admit that Chris Brown's Forever is my not-so-guilty pleasure at the moment. Even though I don't actually hear any of the lyrics, but you gotta hand it to the producers for making such a good melody out of the synthesized vocal and beats.

But not what everyone knows is that, the single was actually conceptualized as an advertisement jingle first, before being developed into a hit. And what a hit it was.

Actually this is not uncommon really. I was lucky enough to have worked on (very minimally) a similar project back when I was in advertising. The client got a duet recorded by both a local and neighbouring country singer. Then it was used in the TVC and released as a single to the local radio. If I wasn't mistaken, it actually did pretty well on the charts.

Anyway, if you do see this video (or hear the jingle) below in the future, you've been warned.

I'm going to take a bold step and assume that, somewhere out there among my 2 readers, someone is wondering about my well-being as a result of my last post.

Well, right now I'm gonna assure him/her/it that I'm doing ok. Not great or happy - my life in general is never quite that fantastic - but OK.

Just one of those days where pigs not only fly, they rain stink bombs on my world. Doesn't kill me, just stinks.

If it was the right thing to do, why the hell do I feel so awful.

Evidently I haven't been disciplined.

In fact, today I engaged in some rather unsafe driving. Admittedly, I was somewhat distracted. My thoughts have that effect on me.

I should be thankful that I didn't get into trouble. But I'm not. Just a sense of indifference.

For someone who thinks too much, I'm amazed how my thoughts never lead anywhere but apathy.

Time for bed.