in the Loop

Been really busy for the past few days. Lots of running around. Real tired.

Updates will resume next week, if I'm disciplined.

I meant to blog for the past 2 days but the internet seems to be ill. It's acting a lil bit like me when i'm under the weather; annoying, slow, unreliable and generally depressing.

Guess the pictures will just have to wait.

I'm sure the lot of you who doesn't live in a cave (I've been made aware that there are some out there) would have heard this very recent inane hit with lesbian tendencies.

This is one hit which obviously rides on the taboo and kinky nature of select human sexuality to generate some sophomoric appeal, especially considering some girl on girl action is the new pink. Just ask Tina Tequila.

Therefore, I'm utterly surprised that they would actually play the song as a hit here, when it's completely stripped of its essence.

There is nothing catchy about the melody in general, especially when two very important words in the lyrics were 'dropped'. What's left brings to mind an awkward silence one experiences when riding an empty elevator with a partner who caught you in bed with someone else.

Not fun.

At all.

Sometimes I really wonder how much crap our media force feed us. Seriously, we really do not need to lap everything up just because it originates from cool central. Just once, if the original is not attainable, we're seriously better off without the badly mangled version.

Today has been a rather uneventful day.

A disappointment or two, but nothing damning.

In fact, it's going exactly the way I want it to, just me enjoying my own company at home.

But I get a thought. After days and days of going out, turns out, sitting at home isn't as satisfying as I thought.

Then, somehow, as it always happen with me, something else popped into my head.

It started innocently enough.

Am I being productive today?

I don't feel like I'm doing enough.

Am I good enough?

I'm not smart enough.

I need to be more intelligent.

I need to be more approachable.

Am I attractive?

I'm not stunningly good looking.

I don't dress very well either.

I'm too thin.

I'm not fat enough.

I'm too fat.

Am I lovable?

Am I nice enough to people?

I need to be a better person.

I have to improve myself.


Then I think.

Is it my penchant for setting high expectations for myself?

I honestly don't know.

I do know, the pursuit of perfection is a self-damning one.

Yet, I can't just drop it. That would be uncharacteristic of me.

So I guess I'll just have to pursue that elusive equilibrium.

Guess that's only an occasionally damning pursuit.

On Saturday, I woke up slightly earlier than usual (1105) and proceeded to procrastinate, just like usual.

Therefore, it was no surprise I was late for my 1pm. I'm happy to say, despite my honorable attempts, I did not break character.

I was quite nice being able to meet up with my sister. We last saw each other close to 2 months back. At the time, I bid her farewell. This time around, we had lunch, strolled around a lil, and she bid me farewell before going back to shopping.

I think we've both grown in the past one year. If nothing else, we've grown accustomed to saying goodbye. These days, it seems like I all I do is say goodbye to people. Something I'm starting to be able to do with sentimental nonchalance.

Back home, I finally managed to make myself pick up a book. Something which I've wanted to do for awhile but let my procrastinating nature get the better of me.

Then later that night, I went out. And I shall leave it at that.

I'm not doing this again.

My thoughts flow (though erratically) best when I'm stuck in a rut. Exploiting it, I dig deep into my emotions to unleash the silent monster. Leaving a big gash, blooding gushing out, cleansing my heart out.

I am not doing it.

I feel like saying "I feel like dying" just to get a reaction out of ppl. Maybe a little sympathies too.

But I don't.

I feel very proud of myself. I still have my dignity. But of course, it's also very much for sale. Currently, looking for the highest bidder.

Next week will be a big one for me, I hope.

Hopefully I will have something to celebrate then.

Until then, I'm going out for a movie tonight. There are some plans for the weekend but I really do think I should stay home and save money. Don't feel particular inclined to have fun. I need to punish myself.

Got tagged with a meme. I think it's the first time, or just the only time I ever found out (she told me on IM).

Here it goes.

I changed my mind. The meme is too darn difficult. JinAnn, next time, pass me an easier one ok. I seriously can't finish the thing. Even got stumped on the first question already.

Too bad.