in the Loop

I'm so pissed. Everywhere I look, everyone's looking for graduates with a business degree, accounting and occasionally economics.

Where does that leave the rest of us who did Social Science. Are we supposed to feel like lesser candidates? The unemployable ones?

It's so so frustrating. Not to mention heart-breaking.

Just because I didn't do 3 years of management doesn't mean I'm incapable of doing the work. Sure, I may not have had the same depth of theoretical exposure but when it comes to doing to job, there is so freaking difference between me and another fresh business graduate. I am no less intelligent or capable.

It really makes me wonder if I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should have succumbed entirely to my Asian sensibilities and did something really safe, like say, Business Administration. *sarcastic laugh*

This whole situation also brings up certain thoughts of regret I had in the past, over some very very stupid decisions. Some things I'll just have to live with.

Arrrrghhhh...... I really really need to scream my lungs out.

Mom called me last night to apologise before wishing me a Happy Belated Birthday.

I couldn't be angry with her. Maybe somewhat amused. After all, my birthday is still more than a month away =P She had reversed the day and month of my birthday and hence thought it was in April.

Then, we started talking about my sister and she suddenly made an observation.

"She's quite smart and independent huh."

Me being exasperated, "Hello, did it take you that long to come to that conclusion??"

Sigh.... Next thing you know she's gonna tell me, "Wow, you're so grown up already!"

And I wouldn't know how to feel about that either.

I'm feeling the pressure. It seems like in this age of living fast, we're all expected to have it all, and have it yesterday.

I'm not middle-aged, balding with love handles pouring out of my sides.

And most importantly, I'M NOT AN UNCLE!

Stupid kids these days I tell you.

Maybe it's all the yellow hair dye seeping into the brain or just plain ignorance, but a guy merely a few years older than you with a full head of jet black hair does not constitute an uncle!

Some ppl are just so rude. Tsk tsk.

It's exam day tomorrow. And I hardly studied. Heck, I din even finish the stupid thesis that I was supposed to finish.

I'm just a lazy and useless.

And to think these final grades are forever. If I screw up now, I'm screwed for life (what I was to put it huh).

Ok, fine. I'm giving myself 30 minutes break. And then I'm hitting the books again!

Anyway it's only 4 papers. I realised I've grown very very lazy. Totally not very proud of myself right now.

I'll write again soon!

Sometimes when you really think about it, what is the purpose of life?

Are we really here to do something? Or it's really just free-for-all?

On a good day, I believe life is what we make of it. Today, however, is not one of those days.

Today, I'm wondering what's the point of it all.

Today, I wonder if we've all been wired by media and societal expectations to seek certain things in life. The so-called fairy tale ending for our supposedly perfect lives.

Don't get me wrong. I am happy...

I think I am happy....

Maybe I am happy....

Fuck happy.

Sometimes, we work so hard in life, to achieve things; the good grades, to be that good friend, the understanding person, the immaculate work, show stopping presentations and all that jazz. But what's the point of it all. Hoarding accomplishments like trophies that doesn't make any difference anyway?

Is it supposed to make a difference? Slowly snowballing into subtle changes?

I really don't know. I just want to know does all these trying make a difference. I've never been a believer of fate. But sometimes, I think it's much easier to just leave it all to 'fate', lay down and let life take its course.