10 Hrs To Go
I think I may be irrational. Actually, I know I am.
Why else would I feel this way?? It's just absolutely crazy. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever at all. Immediately, it feels like the NTU fiasco all over again. Except this time, I can't back out. No plan B. And no caring, wonderfully objective and truly understanding (of me) sister to scream some senses into me.
Because I'm not getting out of control, yet. And mainly, because I didn't lay it out to her as it is.
As much as I hate it, the other she may be right. I have more anxiety than the average person. And I hate that. For all the years of education and self-awareness, at the end, I still couldn't escape the average Asian's low level of tolerance for the unknown.
I hate being hopeless.
I hate myself for being hopeless.
And I hate myself.
After taking a seat back, and a deep breath (or more!), my issues evaporates away. It's all me, being insensible. Slowly, I rationalize it all. I believe it, somewhat. And I feel calmer. I'm just glad I can manage to keep it under wraps.
Maybe, at the end of the day, I am rather average in this regard. However, there is hope I can change. That I can learn. And I can be better.
Why else would I feel this way?? It's just absolutely crazy. Doesn't make any sense whatsoever at all. Immediately, it feels like the NTU fiasco all over again. Except this time, I can't back out. No plan B. And no caring, wonderfully objective and truly understanding (of me) sister to scream some senses into me.
Because I'm not getting out of control, yet. And mainly, because I didn't lay it out to her as it is.
As much as I hate it, the other she may be right. I have more anxiety than the average person. And I hate that. For all the years of education and self-awareness, at the end, I still couldn't escape the average Asian's low level of tolerance for the unknown.
I hate being hopeless.
I hate myself for being hopeless.
And I hate myself.
After taking a seat back, and a deep breath (or more!), my issues evaporates away. It's all me, being insensible. Slowly, I rationalize it all. I believe it, somewhat. And I feel calmer. I'm just glad I can manage to keep it under wraps.
Maybe, at the end of the day, I am rather average in this regard. However, there is hope I can change. That I can learn. And I can be better.
I'm not 100% sure what you're anxious about, but I sorta guess it. Just wanted to let you know that you're not the only who experiences this bouts of anxiety. I do too, occasionally, despite what everyone thinks of me and keeps telling me that I'm just overthinking and overworrying.
So, don't hate yourself too much - you're still human. And for what it's worth, I ALWAYS have faith in you. Cheers, friend, and have a good time in the States.
Posted by
junhoe |
Monday, May 07, 2007 10:15:00 pm
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